


Saving toy Smaug

by Khim_Azaghal



Series: Pebbles Stories [4]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, Fili and Kili are ragdolls, Gen, Legolas and Tauriel are Lego figures, Quest, Rescue Mission, Smaug is a plush cuddly toy, Thorin is an action figure, it's a toys story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 13:25:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12458718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khim_Azaghal/pseuds/Khim_Azaghal
Summary: This story is a gift forShabby Blog, inspired by her stunning artwork. Happy Durin's Day, dear!





	Saving toy Smaug

 

“Brother?! Where are you?!!”  
  


Fili emerged from under the bed, covered in dust, and in a foul mood. It wasn’t the first time he ended up in this horrible place, among the crippled toys and forgotten dirty clothes.  
  


“I’m here, right beneath you. What do you want, Kili?”  
  


“The boy’s drooling on me again, and he’s holding me too tightly,” whined the dark-haired ragdoll, on the verge of panic.  
  


_ At least, you’re in the bed and not under it… _  
  


“Filiiiii, help me, please!”

 

The blond let out an angry sigh. Kili was the boy’s favourite toy of the moment, but it hadn’t always been like this. Fili used to be the cherished one before, and one day, for no apparent reason, the kid had picked up Kili and never let him go ever since.

 

“Fili!!! He’s sucking my hand! Help!”

 

“All right, all right, I’m coming!”

 

Fili took the time to remove the dust from his clothes and walked across the dark bedroom to the Playmobil fire brigade to borrow their ladder. The firemen were used to it. Every night, Fili had to rescue his brother from the kids’ paws and mouth. 

Of course, the Playmobil never missed an occasion to make fun of the young doll. There was no mercy for the cute toys.

 

“Look, lads, the young lord is in distress again!” The whole brigade laughed. “Aye, the squire of Durin still needs his big brother to save him from a baby boy!”

 

Fili smirked maliciously. In other times, he wouldn’t have let other toys shame his brother, but things had changed. Now, he was secretly enjoying it.

 

“Enough!” Thorin’s voice boomed through the room, and silence fell. The action figure stomped to the Playmobil, Orcrist in hand. “Stop laughing, and help him, for Mahal’s sake!”

 

Thorin bumped into Fili without apologising as he pushed the fire truck towards the foot of the bed.

 

“Fili! Hurry with that ladder!”  
  


“I’m coming, uncle,” mumbled the prince.

 

A few minutes later, Kili was rescued and smiling again in spite of his poor hand, distorted and soaked with child spit.

 

“We have to do something,” Kili whined. “I don’t want to be his favourite toy anymore!”

 

Thorin heaved a deep sigh before looking up at his nephews.

 

“There might be a solution, but it’s dangerous…,” began the action figure, just before being interrupted by Kili.

 

“An adventure? I’m in!” The young doll was bouncing on its feet with excitement.

 

“Shut up, you!” barked Fili, already annoyed by his brother once again.

 

Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose. Those two, always bickering! When will they grow up?

 

“As I was saying, there could be a solution. A dangerous one, though. Now, do I have your entire attention?” The two dolls nodded. “Good. The boy had a cuddly toy before you two came up.”

 

“What was it, uncle?” Kili asked, unable to shut up for two minutes in a row.

 

“A red plush dragon called Smaug.”

 

Kili and Fili gasped. Why had it to be a dragon, the most terrible calamity ever? Why? Suddenly, Kili wasn’t so sure about going on an adventure, but Fili was ready to seise any opportunity to deprive his brother of his Favourite Toy status.

 

“Can we gather up a company, uncle?” Fili asked.

 

“I’m going to summon the Bedroom Council. You can’t go on this expedition alone.”

 

****

 

The night after, Barbie’s house was crowded with various toys, all present to attend the Bedroom Council. 

 

The Vehicles Tribe had sent their fastest race car. The Plush Clan was represented by a felt horse; it looked a bit shabby, but it was due to its age: it had been there for three generations now, and he was known for being wise. Thorin represented the Action Figures Society. The Playmobil Family had sent their highest ranked officer, a General with three stars painted on his chest. 

Finally, the Lego Horde constituted the last group of toys attending the Council. They had sent their best archers from the Mirkwood set.

 

Barbie, always eager to please her guests, offered lots of fancy cocktails and canapés before retreating into her private spa for her date with Ken and Mermaid Barbie.

 

“Strangers from distant shelves, friends of old, “ Thorin announced, “You have been summoned here to discuss a quest we can no longer avoid.”

 

A wave of murmurs welcomed Thorin’s introduction.

 

“If we’re going to talk about that hypothetic pirate treasure lost behind the chest of drawers one more time, I’m out!” the Playmobil General protested.

 

“No, General. It’s nothing of that sort. We’re talking about finding Smaug and bringing him back. He was carried into the basement for a wash and never returned. We must venture down into the laundry room and find him.”

 

The whole assembly gasped in shock and surprise, just as Fili and Kili the night before.

 

The plush horse cleared its throat. “Smaug has been missing for almost a year. What proof do we have he’s still in the Basement?”

 

Thorin sighed. “None. But we must find him. Since he’s gone, toys get kidnapped and kept prisoners in the boy’s bed. Smaug is the Original Cuddly Toy. We must bring him back for our fellow toys’ sake!”

 

“But the Basement is a barren wasteland! It is folly!” the race car objected.

 

One of the Lego figures stood up, an indignant expression on his face. “Have you heard nothing our Lords have said? Smaug must be saved!”

 

“And I suppose you think you’re the one to do it?” Fili hissed as he lept to his feet. The tiny Lego figure just glared at him with a glint of defiance in his eyes.

 

“And if we fail, what then? What if Smaug can’t be found?” the race car insisted.

 

"We have to find him, and we will! You have my bow!" The blond Lego figure said. 

"And you are?” Thorin asked.

"He doesn't like to talk about it," the other Lego figure said, a red-haired female. 

Thorin glowered at the Lego figure who crossed his arms. 

"Fine! It's Legolas!"

Everybody tried not to laugh.

"Right," Thorin said. "Legolas and the other Lego lass are coming with us."

“I’m a male!” Legolas objected.

“All right, if you say so.“

“Tauriel and I will find that dragon and take it back! No one will mock the Mirkwood Elves anymore after that!”

  
  


“I will be dead before I see a Lego Elf taking all the credit for this rescue!” Fili roared.

 

Thorin now looked at his oldest nephew. And since Thorin was an action figure and not a cuddly toy, he won the glaring contest. But Fili wasn’t done with this arrogant Elf. The two of them started bickering, and things escalated quickly.

 

All the toys stood up from their seats, and arguments erupted from all sides. Kili pressed his hands to his ears while Thorin and the plush horse were trying to calm everybody down.

 

Suddenly, a loud whine came from the bed, silencing all the toys at once. The boy whimpered in his sleep and tossed his covers.

 

Kili’s face fell. He knew what it meant. The kid was waking up, and they all would be discovered if a toy didn’t sacrifice itself and calmed the child.

 

“Bad dream… He has a bad dream! Somebody go into his arms, quick!”

 

Kili’s panicked scream spurred the old horse into action. It galloped and climbed the ladder, quick as lightning, and finally jumped into the boy’s arms. 

 

Before he got swallowed by the covers, the old steed shouted a last call to his fellow toys. “Fly, you fools!”

 

The members of the Council dashed out of Barbie’s house and fled to hide inside the Playmobil fire station.

 

Once the doors shut behind them, Kili let out a sigh of relief. “Phew, that was close!”

All the others nodded in agreement as they were trying to get their breathing back. They still had a plan to develop.

 

Thorin reminded everyone who was going on the rescue mission. “All right, I, Fili and Kili are going. Then we have Legolas and her… sorry, his companion. That makes five. It’s not enough! Come on, my fellow toys, this mission is vital for all of us!”

 

The Playmobil general stood up. “I can provide a dozen of soldiers and weapons.”

 

“The Vehicle Tribe won’t let you down! Motocross and Monstertruck are going with you!”

 

Thorin smiled. “A company of nineteen toys is better than nothing, and I thank you all. Now, we must find a way out of that room and down to the Basement. Who has already been washed?”

 

Fili and Kili raised their hand. The memory of the washing machine was still nightmarish for both of them.

 

“We got washed a couple of times, but the Mother always put us in a laundry bag, and we never managed to see through it,” Kili said, a defeated expression on his face.

 

“Yes, but I remember two stairways going down… First, we must turn left, go down the stairs, then walk straight to the other stairs, and the Basement is at the bottom, on the right.” Fili had run through the entire route out loud, his eyes closed to focus on his memories.

 

Thorin put a gentle hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, uncle, I’m sure. We’ll find the Basement, and we’ll bring Smaug back.”

 

“It’s settled, then! Fili will lead the way. The Legos will go with him for protection. The Vehicles will follow with the soldiers. Kili and I will bring up the rear. Let’s go!”

 

****

 

The Plush territory was a piece of cake to go through, but soon as they entered Playmobil district, trouble came their way. 

 

A company of mercenaries hired by the Pirate separatist clan jumped from behind a pile of dirty socks, shouting threatening war cries.

 

“Arrrrhh! Give us all your gold or perish!”

  
The mercenaries’ leader let out an angry sigh. “For the last time, Kevin, we do not go “arrrrrh”! We’re not pirates. We’re guns for hire, for Plastic's sake!”

“Sorry, boss,” Kevin apologised.

“All right, where were we? Ah, yeah. Give us all your gold, and we may let you live!”

 

Unimpressed, Fili held his ground. He looked scornfully at the mercenaries, his arms firmly crossed on his chest.

 

“You will let us pass, you scum!”

 

Kevin snickered. “Or what?”

 

“Or you would die before your first stroke fell!” Legolas shouted, his bow already drawn,  flanked by Tauriel with her deadly daggers in hands.

 

“The three of you can’t beat us! You’re outnumbered! Surrender now, and we won’t kill you!”

 

Legolas and Tauriel smirked, their eyes sparkling with excitement. The mercenaries were only ten.

 

Just before they could engage in combat, the rest of the Smaug Rescue Company showed up. The bandits fumed as they saw other Playmobil soldiers, knights and cowboys armed to the teeth, but they didn’t flee. 

 

The mercenaries' leader, an escaped prisoner still wearing its striped black and white uniform, whistled between his teeth. 

 

A giant form emerged from under the pile of socks and roared.

 

A T-Rex replica from the Natural History Museum!!!

 

“Well, shit,” Fili mumbled, his arms now hanging at his sides.

 

Legolas shot an arrow, just as Tauriel threw one of her daggers to the beast. But the projectiles only bumped against the dinosaur’s plastic skin and fell to its feet.

 

“Retreat! Retreat! Fall back!” the elves and Fili shouted at once.

 

Panicked shouts rose as the toys scattered to find a hiding place. The T-Rex chased them, its massive feet making the floorboard creak and tremble.

 

From where he was hiding with the Legos, Fili saw the dinosaur grab and dismantle a Playmobil cowboy only with the force of its jaws. Behind the beast, the mercenaries were searching the bodies and stealing the gold, weapons, and spare body parts. The pirates would give them a fair price for all of those.

 

This was a total carnage.

 

But, when all hope seemed lost, something unexpected happened. Fili heard a surprised roar followed by a ridiculous strangled squeak before he saw the T-Rex running away along with the bandits. 

 

What could have scared them away?

 

Clicking sounds made the Legos’ ears perk up. They knew what was lurking outside.

 

Legolas and Tauriel cautiously got out of their hiding place, letting Fili behind. The ragdoll only heard them talking to someone, but the other toy wasn’t speaking a tongue he knew. It wasn’t even an articulated language; it sounded more like screeches and squeaks.

 

Curious, Fili crawled a bit so he could try to catch a glimpse of what was going on outside. What he saw made him recoil instantly. 

 

Spiders! Giant Lego spiders! What the hell were they doing here? 

They didn’t seem aggressive, though; at least, not towards the elves.

 

Fili crawled a bit closer so he could hear the conversation going on.

 

“No, no, and no, Shelob! You can’t go with us!” Legolas was scolding one of the spiders. The horrid creature uttered a strangled noise that sounded like… some kind of whine? 

“No, you can’t. You’re too young. What would Ungoliant think of that? Do you think your mother would be happy to hear you’re going on a quest far from Mirkwood?”

 

Fili was puzzled. Since when woodland elves were protective towards Ungoliant’s spawn? Weird things were definitely going on in this bedroom…

 

“Oooh, look at this cutie! She’s beautiful!” 

 

Kili had got back to the group and was cooing to Shelob. 

 

Enough was enough! 

 

Fili bolted out of his hiding place to find his brother petting the Lego spider. Beside them, Legolas looked desperate, Tauriel was patting his shoulder in sympathy, and Thorin sported a disgusted expression on his face.

 

“I love it! Can I keep it?” Kili asked.

“No!” Legolas and Thorin exclaimed at the same time. 

“She’s not a pet,” Tauriel added. “She’s wild and dangerous.”

“She doesn’t look dangerous to me. Look! She’s so friendly! Uncle, please?” Kili was now making his famous pleading puppy eyes almost no one could resist. “Pretty please?”

Legolas and Thorin exchanged resigned looks.

“Fine. But I cannot guarantee your safe-” Legolas couldn’t finish his sentence. Kili had hurled himself at the poor elf to hug him, and now the Lego figure was entirely engulfed in the doll’s embrace. 

“Put me down, you stupid doll!!!” 

 

Kili let go of Legolas who fell to the ground. The murderous glare he shot at Fili didn’t dent the doll’s laugh. Even Tauriel was trying to muffle her giggles.

 

Kili was already away to play with Shelob and her sister. The Playmobil soldiers and the Vehicles were looking incredulously at the scene. This rescue mission was definitely taking a foolish turn.

 

Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose once again. He had to put an end to this. Quickly.

 

“Fili!” he barked, “Go and get your brother back! Enough with this foolery!”

 

“Aye, uncle,” Fili reacted, wholly sobered up by Thorin’s harsh tone.

 

****

 

After counting the casualties (four Playmobil and Motocross), the company moved on.

 

The toys crossed most of the room without difficulty. They only encountered random toys belonging to no clan, and those weren’t really a threat. The company even found a new member: a tiny plastic Halloween witch who could utter a bloodcurdling laugh when one pressed a button on her back. Just like Kili, she befriended the Spiders quickly.

 

Now, Smaug’s rescue team had to face their first serious challenge: the bedroom door. It was shut, and its handle was way too high for them to reach.

 

After numerous and unsuccessful attempts involving strings and hooks, the whole company was slightly discouraged. The Ragdolls and the Spiders were moping, and Kili was already whining about going back home. The Playmobil were training in combat with the elves to pass the time. Only Thorin and the last member of the Vehicles Tribe seemed still determined to find a solution to their problem.

 

Monster Truck was pacing the rug; the one adorned with roads and parking slots.  After a fourth passage around the roundabout, the truck spotted a lonely Mega Bloks brick near the garage. This could be their chance!

 

Monster Truck hurried to retrieve Thorin and tell him about his plan. Soon, the whole company was gathered around them.

 

“My fellow toys, Monster Truck has a plan! We’ll need the First Age Toys’ cooperation, though. Who saw them for the last time?”

 

Everybody thought hard, and after a few instants, the witch rose a timid hand. “The last time I saw them was when they were being packed in a cardboard box and settled in the closet.”

 

Fortunately for the company, the closet had a sliding door, and it opened easily. After long minutes spent searching among an incredible amount of piled up games and old clothes, the toys found the First Age box, stored deep at the bottom of the closet.

 

When they opened it, a scent of old dust welcomed them. A few toys blinked sluggishly as they were being awoken from the deepest of sleep.

 

The First Age Toys’ leader was a tiny white plush teddy bear, almost as old as the shabby felt horse. When he heard the recent fate of his old friend, the teddy bear shook his head sadly. Spontaneously, he offered his help and asked to go on the quest to find Smaug. He convinced Thorin when he told him that he knew the house like the back of his paw.

All the other toys from the box were so happy to see the outside world again that they all offered to help as well.

 

“We need stairs to climb up to the handle and open the door, “ Thorin explained.

 

All the Mega Bloks bricks volunteered. They jumped on top of each other to form a big stairway, but it wasn’t high enough.

 

“Get us out of this box, and we’ll be glad to help you!”

The request was coming from the very bottom of the First Age Toys box, where the books lay. Thick solid cardboard books. 

Thorin helped them to pile up, and the bricks jumped up again until the very last one was at the top of the improvised stairs.

 

“Kili, you’re our tallest member. You go and open the door,” Thorin ordered.

 

All the toys watched as Kili did as his uncle said. Arrived on top of the stairs, the ragdoll had to stand on tip-toe, and everybody waited with baited breath. Could he make it?

 

On his first attempt, Kili slipped and almost fell. Fili watched the scene from bellow, wide-eyed from anguish. Only his brother’s voice affirming he was all right reassured him.

 

Three unsuccessful attempts later, Kili finally opened the bedroom’s door.

 

As it creaked on its hinges, it revealed a pitch black corridor.

 

All the anthropomorphic toys squared their shoulders. They still had a long and perilous way to go.

  
  


TO BE CONTINUED...

**Author's Note:**

> This story's not over! A second chapter (at least) will be posted as soon as possible.
> 
> As usual, you're invited inside the blanket fort with all your favourite food and beverages to have a little chat with me over this story. I'd love to hear your thoughts about it :)


End file.
